i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
