shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
