It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
