Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just found puke in my bra..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
