i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
