I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
