My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
