brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
