she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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