If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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