As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
