Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
should my penis look like a turkey
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
