I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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