there was a trapeze. enough said
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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