a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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