My room smells like vodka and shame
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
