so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
