hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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