Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you win again, gameday.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
