This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
