apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
