I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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