I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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