OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
