After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
