Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Damn victory sex feels great
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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