Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I am naked and annoyed.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
