Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize