: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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