Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
