i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Can Purell be used as lube?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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