Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
