Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
