you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
