He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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