Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
