I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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