I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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