The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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