dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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