i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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