She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
