I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
