I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
