He asked to "fluff my boner.."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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