So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
