Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
