Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
