College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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