he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
