Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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