Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
