You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
