oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize