Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
