At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
