The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
