Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize