I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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