I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
