I'm going to jail i love you
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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