K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
