the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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