I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just cropdusted the office
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
