i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
