i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
