u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
