What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
