i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
