she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
