Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
