is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
