I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
